The Invasion

When they came, it was with the open hand of charity -- more dangerous than a hand wrapped around a weapon. After all, like the old saying goes, "Anyone powerful enough to give you anything you want can also take away everything you have." Some of us knew enough to say so, but nobody wanted to hear.

I guess I can understand. I remember what it was like: We were a desperate world. We had nothing -- nothing useful, I mean. What we had was hunger and thirst; tainted water and dead land where nothing would grow... except more and more hungry human beings. All we had were problems, and plenty of them.

What they had were solutions, or at least the hope of salvation. Once their ships landed, they plugged right into our power grids to light our cities. They told us this would help us while we got away from fossil fuels and nuclear power, the bad kind of nuclear power. They wanted us to use solar energy and the safe kind of nuclear power, and they might have just handed the diagrams to us but they didn't want to make us dependent on them.

"They want to give us only what we should want to take," UN Secretary General Morritz Feingensturm said in a speech. "A hand up. Not a hand-out."

But that's bullshit. The invaders are smart. They don't want it to look like they are addicting us to their science and their machines, but that's what they are doing. It's all to keep us quiet, and keep us on their leash. It's disgusting how they can make us do the dance while they call the tune. And they aren't even human. I mean, of course they aren't -- they are aliens. But they don't look like aliens in the movies. They walk... or waddle... on two legs, but they look like toads. They can live on dry land but they prefer the water. They call themselves the Shirolta... or anyway, that's what the word sounds like to me when they croak it out.

The Shirolta have more than clean power to dole out to us. They have super-effective medicines. The doctors all went crazy for it because the Shirolta don't use the same kind of drugs we do. They don't cure diseases for a while but then end up with resistant strains. In fact, they don't use drugs at all. I've heard they use some kind of energy device, and they have whole programs of exercises and diet. They all do yoga, which Reverend Mathers said is a heathen Eastern religion. Reverend Mathers told us to avoid this kind of stuff if we're going to be good Christians.

The Shirolta have technology they use to terraform planets. That means they can take a planet like Mars and change its air and soil and create oceans. It takes a long time, but they can do it. And that's why they first came here -- they were going to terraform Mars and live there. They didn't want to bother us, but they thought they would introduce themselves. Just being good neighbors, you know. And then they realized how much trouble we were in.

So they came here instead with their ships that power our cities, and their medicine, and their genetically engineered grain crops that don't need pesticides or fertilizer. They offered to terraform Earth for us, to change it back to the way it used to be. They fixed our ozone and our air, they fixed our oceans and rivers. They repaired our marshlands, which... why bother, I think, but environmentalists are always crying about the wetlands. Now the tree huggers and swamp kissers are happy. The invaders fixed the whole place up. They even improved our deserts.

And what did they want in exchange for all of this? Nothing! They just wanted to help! That's their whole thing -- being neighborly. But then they kind of let it slip that, actually, there was one thing we could for them... only if we wanted to, of course, and if we decided against helping them out, they wouldn't hold it against us. They wouldn't pull up their ships and their crops and their hydro-processors and go. It was totally up to us if we wanted to help them in return.

And a starving planet that suffered crime, war, plague, and all the other Biblical curses cried out, Yes. Yes, whatever it is we can do to show our gratitude. Yes, whatever you need from us, anything we lesser life forms can offer, yes. Just name it.

So they did name it and as it turns out... big surprise! What they need is white men. Like my father, and my brothers, and me. And who cares about white men? We're a minority, nothing more. Everyone else offered us up in a hot half-second. In fact, they were more than happy to sacrifice us to those alien monsters.

***

The invaders have a problem reproducing. They are hermaphrodites, sort of, except they can't reproduce on their own. They need someone else to contribute some of the genes. I don't mean they cross-breed with humans, they don't, they breed with each other. But any one of them can have young, which makes them not man and not woman, but some third sex. The problem is that they don't have sex the normal way, the way God intended, with one man and one woman. They have this six-step mating process that's way too complicated. On their home planet it includes putting their sperm or eggs or something into tubers growing at the bottom of lakes.

I'm really not kidding, that's what they do. One of them puts whatever into the tubers and then the tubers gestate it or something. It's something to do with hormones and DNA and I don't know all the details. But at some point the tubers change color or something, or they change shape, and then the genetic stuff is ready and another of the invaders swims down and takes the genetic stuff out of the tuber and the babies grow in these sacks on different parts of their bodies.

But the tubers won't work in Earth's waters. That's their story. But why can't they fix the tubers with their fancy medicine? The collaborators -- I mean, the humans who take the side of the Shirolta -- say that it's a matter of residual pollution in the fresh waters and the tubers can't thrive in sea water. But I also heard that their convoy of ships isn't for exploration or colonization at all, it's a kind of penal colony in space. I heard they are criminals and exiles and by sending them away their own government is punishing them by not letting them live on their own planet where they can reproduce.

That's why need us. The invaders need white men. They have to be men because of the hormones, and they have to be people from North and Central Europe because of some kind of genetic profile thing, something about autoimmune rejection and embryos or cell death or something.

Well, the law says that all white men have to register and be screened. And if you fit the profile and you're a match, you get chosen. And I got chosen. I didn't like it one bit and you wouldn't either. They wanted to put cell cultures under a flap of my skin -- on my arm, or on my chest, or way too close to my man-parts. Those cell cultures cook for a while inside me and then they're put into other invaders. My hormones fix up the genetic samples and make them usable. But I don't want some other creature's tissue in my body. They're space animals, they're mud people from the stars. They even kind of look like mud, their skin, I mean, sort of brown and tan and wet looking, with weird bumps and ridges. They're not human beings. It's not right.

They can't just do this to us. A lot of white guys said absolutely not, and more than one man has died defending himself, died with his rifle in his hand. And you're goddamn right, it's worth fighting for. It's rape! The mud people laugh at us and our own women, those femi-Nazi bitches, say things like it's what we get for outlawing abortion again. Even some white men say that this is God's punishment for how we ruined the Earth. Like the invaders are Jesus coming back to set us right... like this is our purgatory and once we get through it we can all go to the Kingdom of Heaven. But white men being raped like this? It's not Jesus. It's the Beast. If we surrender, then we're damned. You can look it up in Revelations.

But no one reads the Bible any more, and that's part of how we got here. You wouldn't believe the bullshit arguments the government and the liberals and even the churches try to cram down our throats. They tell us that our right to control our own bodies, quote, "does not extend to the preclusion or interruption of an existing life cycle once set into motion, or potential life that would otherwise arise," end quote. That's verbatim from a court case that found against a white man who didn't want his body being violated by these monsters. And that quote is verbatim in turn from an earlier court case that overturned Roe v. Wade. You know, the Supreme Court case from a hundred fifty years ago or so, the one that allowed women to kill their own unborn babies. Well, it was one thing for the baby killers to be stopped, but now that same court case is being used to tell white men they have to submit their bodies to plundering by alien filth. It's a big fat middle finger from activist judges who collaborate with the invaders.

Those collaborating socialists told us that as individuals, we have a responsibility to the future -- not just the future of the human race, but the aliens, too. And the churches kept saying that life... that quote, "the continuity and preservation of life is sacred above all else," end quote. All the churches echoing the foreign king in the Vatican, and they make it sound holy and righteous. But what the hell, man. There are things you just don't do. And most people are just plain scared about the invaders leaving us and having to go back to how things were before they got here. We'd die if they left. We're not ready to live without their help. But -- goddammit -- there are things you die for, and if your children and their children and the whole future has to die too, then that's how it is. I want my sons to grow up and have their own sons, but not if it means I have to let myself be molested by those monsters from outer space. I'd rather just die as a man and be done with it.

And that was what I intended to do, when I strapped on the explosive vest and reported to the alien ship. I had the trigger rigged for easy access and all I had to do was press my elbow hard into my ribs and then release. I was ready when the moment came -- the perfect moment: They led me through the ship to their clinic and along the way we passed right next to a power node; detonate right there, and the whole ship blows up. Well, I triggered the vest and nothing happened. Turns out they knew about the vest from the minute I showed up -- they have fancy scanners that spy on your naked body right through your clothes. And of course no one cares if a monster from outer space is ogling a white man's naked body with their X-ray eyes.

And now I am stripped and restrained and they've cut a flap on my chest, near my left shoulder. It's totally painless, but I am suffering like no one has ever suffered before. No one. Not those mud people, not those fucking femi-Nazi man-hating dykes who throw it in our faces, not these smug alien cocksucking sons of bitches who should drop down and die like the toad people they are. I am about to be invaded. Me. My body. I am about to be invaded by someone else's cells and those cells are going to use my male hormones in order to develop into... into more of those same things that are techno-raping me.

This is what men have come to. White men. I was proud to be a white man, a white Christian man. But look at me: Naked and raped and about to become pregnant. It's the last province of a man's power and his very manhood that if nothing else he can always strike back by blowing shit up and killing someone... a lot of someones, if they don't stop fucking with him. Now I can't even do that.

We are defeated. I am unmanned. The invasion is complete.

For Jack