Coming Out Poz

Question:
Dear Angelo,

I've been dating this Neg guy for about 4 months. I am in love. I am Poz and he doesn't know. I've only had safe sex with him. What should I do?

Signed, Guilty

Angelo's Response
Dear Guilty,

Loving someone romantically involves our deepest experience of oneness. When we are in love we are as close as we can be physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually to anyone. Poz men are not alone in not wanting to be rejected. Rejection from a love is a terribly painful feeling. A gut wrenching pain. If we are lonely, emotionally wounded or need more love in our life, this pain can be excruciating. We do anything to avoid it. But you must be courageous.

Draw upon your love for him to respect him and tell him your HIV status. Trust that it will be as it is meant to be. He may be angry and feel betrayed. He may feel you have been dishonest and that he cannot trust you. You may work through it together. If you are meant to be together, nothing will keep you apart. It will work out. No matter what. But if you're not meant to be together, it will not work out. No matter what. A Neg man has the right to reject a Poz man and vice versa. So it's best to share what we want and need in our relationships early on. If he leaves, he was not your man. It's better for you. Your soul mate could be waiting for you next. True love is when you're both there each day because you each want to be.

Moving forward, it is a must to disclose your HIV status before becoming sexual - early on. There may be a legal obligation in some states to disclose. Get it out of the way. It lessens the worry about it. Wouldn't you want someone who chooses to be with you as you are? Would you want anything less? Share the truth. It shows you care about yourself and your partner.

-Angelo